“Mother.” I try the word on, testing it’s appropriateness as a description of me and imagining the little life in my arms whispering the string of letters. It’s like waking up in the dark unsure if what floods your mind is leftover from a dream or is reality.
Maybe what I’m missing is time. Time to grow into such a large word. But time is something I have been fighting with lately.
Is it her that has turned the clock against me? Each day gone feels like a tragedy because, well, because it’s gone.
So I spend my days watching her. Watching the emotions play accross her face. She dreams in fear sometimes letting out little cries, her features transforming into a frown. I hold her close and rock her. I kiss the top of her skull right on the softness that makes her vulnerable. When she wakes and buries her face in my chest I know this is magic. Once, in the car, she was crying a curdled sob. I sang Adele to her and her brows unfurrowed. She became silent and held my finger as she fell asleep.
Is this mother? Is it a verb not a noun? Is mother the phenomenon of soothing with an imperfect voice and a shaking hand?
Almost 8 weeks ago my sweet baby girl was born at home in the water like the perfect little mermaid she is. Since then I have been living in the dreamy cloud of Motherhood. I have been spending my days just watching her grow and it has been absolute magic <3
Ps. I am now booking sessions for the rest of 2017! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or call me at 206.462.9465 to book yours <3